Jibbsfest: Burdens that Allow Us To Fly
by jibbsloversunited
Summary: You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks."
1. Prelude

**Summer Jibbsfest: Burdens that Allow Us to Fly**

_**You must include:**_

_-"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart; maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks"-From Bones "The End in the Beginning"_

_-Gibbs gets summoned by the government for some military thing (yes I realize there are stories like this, where do you think I come up with these things?)_

_-Must be a Jenny and Gibbs getting back together type thing, they could be implied "stress relief" partners, but not in an actual relationship_


	2. Need to Know

Need to Know

Jennifer Shepard did not bother to turn on the lights as she entered her office for a new day of work. For one, it was far too early to contemplate sitting under bright lights, especially as she would have to do so for the rest of the day.

And there was something about sitting in the dark during the early hours of a new day that she found soothing. Relaxing, even. It was almost as though she was the only one in the world and no one could possibly hurt her. Even if she was only going to be dealing with her paperwork.

The hour made it impossible to deal with anyone in person, but she needed that at the moment. Paperwork needed a dedicated hour and it helped to know that no one would barge in on her, short of World War III breaking out.

Not that anyone had stormed into her office in the past fortnight. One Leroy Jethro Gibbs had been summoned by the government for something they deemed 'need to know' and apparently she didn't. She had called in as many favors as she dared, asked everyone she knew and even asked Agent McGee to quietly hack the Pentagon, but she still knew nothing.

Except that Gibbs had been chosen for a top-secret military mission and would be away for a while.

At first, she had reveled in the peace and quiet. Instead of Jethro shooting politicians, Ziva had been shooting glares at them. Instead of fights with the FBI, Tony was playing nicely in the interagency sandbox. Instead of Jethro arguing with the locals, McGee was charming them.

But then the silence had become… boring. Jethro dared to step on a few egos and bring people back down to earth. She had to be polite to everyone she came across. Much as she grew frustrated with handling Jethro's messes, right now she was itching for McGee to attack a senator in front of the world's media to give her something to do.

Thankfully, she had learned from one of Ziva's sources that Jethro was due back in DC tonight. And not a moment too soon. Being left alone with only her thoughts for company had made her realize how much she missed him.

And how much she loved him.

She was sure that his return would spark her usual frustration with him and she would be able to focus on how much he aggravated her rather than how stupid she had been to leave him in Paris. Hopefully her mind would start to stray away from the bedroom and onto her job.

She shook her head softly. Her plan had been to come in early to deal with the paperwork she was avoiding by fantasizing about Jethro, and instead she was falling back into a familiar pattern. Reaching for the first case file, she opened it and began to read.

NCISNCISNCIS

It was a long time later that Jenny found herself wandering into Abby's lab. They were short on agents again and so she had temporarily allowed herself out of the office and into the field. Jethro would have a field day when he learned about her actions…

She shook her head again. She had to get Jethro out of her head before he returned.

It didn't help she was in the room of the favorite. Abby had loud music coming out of her stereo and her computer monitors all showed photos of Jethro. Jenny smiled softly; Abby declared her emotions to the world. Whereas the Director had to hide everything inside her.

"Director!" came the frantic squeal as Abby turned around, saw her and launched herself at the newcomer.

Jenny found herself taking a few steps backward just to stay upright. Deciding it was probably better to allow Abby to engulf her for a few minutes, she returned the hug. When the Goth finally relented, Jenny gave her a warm smile before perching on a nearby stool.

"I don't have anything for you yet on the Richards case," Abby began to worry. "You don't have Gibbs' spider senses; he _always_ comes when I find something –"

"It's okay," Jenny soothed. "I know how long it takes for you to run the DNA sample – Jethro constantly repeats it to me when he's arguing over going in without a warrant. I thought you might like to chat a little."

"About what?"

Jenny shrugged. "Whatever you like."

Abby looked at her for a moment before engulfing her in another hug. "Aw."

Something dinged in the recesses of the lab and Abby sprang towards it, somehow able to tell one ding apart from another. Jenny was amazed; they all sounded the same to her.

"Was there a reason for that hug?" she inquired, slightly confused. She was used to the hugs when she entered as the Goth used them as a form of greeting, but this one had come from out of the blue.

"Because Mommy's been looking so lost and alone without Daddy," Abby called, darting around to add another sample to her machine.

Jenny bit her lip to prevent her from saying anything. Abby had always been the more perceptive of their 'children' and sometimes it was better to say nothing than for her to dig a big hole.

"He's coming back tonight, right?" Abby asked, having finished playing with her machine and prancing back over – however difficult it was to prance in three inch platform boots. "Go talk to him."

"I can't just appear in his basement," Jenny argued.

"Why not?"

She knew she couldn't try arguing that she was no longer in love with Jethro – it was a useless defense against the Goth. Again she chose to say nothing.

Abby seemed to calm down for a moment, stopping in front of Jenny and taking her hand. "You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks."

Jenny considered the advice for a short while. And then she nodded, squeezed Abby's hands in thanks and left.

NCISNCISNCIS

Leroy Jethro Gibbs fumbled around for something that could pass as a glass when he heard his front door open. He'd been expecting this particular visitor a few hours ago, but he suspected something had come up that required her attention.

He frowned when he heard her hesitate at the door to the basement. Occasionally after a long day, they would simply spend a little time together, keep each other company for a while. Sometimes he would go to her and sometimes she would come to him. But never had she hesitated when she was so close.

He ignored the sound that her heels made on the steps, choosing instead to locate a mug of dubious origin. Unsure how clean it was, he decided to use to for himself. He didn't want to land in trouble if she caught something horrific from one of his dirty mugs.

She smiled as she saw him and he resisted the urge to smile back. He had missed her, even though he didn't plan to tell her that. Her smile could light up the darkest room and the darkest spots in his soul. He handed the bourbon over without saying a word and gestured to a sander.

She got the hint and for a while they were content to sand his boat in silence. They were working at opposite ends of the structure, craving the quiet and yet wanting to be close. Finally, the silence began to get to him and he spoke.

"You spend time like this with all your agents?" he smirked, hoping the answer was no. He didn't like to imagine her spending time with anyone else while she was so relaxed. Her usual formal outfit was gone and she somehow looked even more beautiful to him in just jeans and a sweater. Her hair had been pulled back into a rough ponytail, a far cry from her immaculate style when she was at work.

She gave a half-grin. "Can you see me helping McGee to write _Deep Six_?" she answered.

"If Lieutenant Colonel Lamb dies painfully in his next book, I'll know who wrote that scene," he joked.

She laughed. "I think you're a better fiction writer than me," she replied. At his puzzled look, she continued. "I read your case reports," she reminded him.

He nodded his head slowly. "So." He drawled the word out of as long as he could. "Did ya miss me?"

She looked at him for a moment and he couldn't read her face. "Yes," she finally answered.

He looked away, unable to stand the raw honesty in her eyes and not entirely sure what they were talking about now.

"Jethro?" she called.

"I missed you too," he admitted.

The smile on her face made him want to move closer. He ditched his sander and settled behind her so they could sand the boat together. He wasn't expecting life to be suddenly perfect, but this moment certainly was.


	3. Renaissance

Disclaimer: Alex is mine, the rest belongs to CBS and Mr. Bellisario. Which is unfortunate in so many ways. Also, the commercial quoted in this story is one of the trailers for the third season of Showtime's The Tudors. So that's not mine either.

Renaissance by Pandora of Ithilien

Jenny bit the tip of her tongue to stop herself from yelling at SecNav. Instead, she asked calmly, "Why Agent Gibbs? Surely there are plenty of active Marines who could do this?"

"There probably are, Director, but Blackwell – he's the man in charge of this mission – wants Gibbs. And he's going to get him. It's that simple." The satellite feed cut, and Jenny was left standing in MTAC, staring at a blank screen. She didn't like this. SecNav was ordering that Jethro be sent on some black ops job, and she apparently didn't have high enough clearance to know what the mission was going to be. No, she didn't like this one bit.

Three days later, Jenny nursed a glass of bourbon in her study, racking her brains. Jethro had left the previous day, seemingly unconcerned about what he'd be up to. Abby was a nervous wreck, of course, and Jethro's team were concerned. Even Tony's enthusiasm at reprising the role of team leader was dampened by the situation. Jenny felt rather like Abby, though she hid it well from everyone but Ducky, who had given her a knowing look after Jethro had left, one that said he was there if she needed support.

She didn't need support, she needed answers! She'd tried all of her contacts but one, and she was dialing that number now.

"Shepard," said the voice at the other end of the line.

"Axie, I need a favor," Jenny said without preamble.

"Jen? What's up?"

"Do you know anything about a special ops mission run by a guy called Blackwell?

"Oh shit. They took Gibbs, didn't they?"

"So you do know something."

"Just that Jack got tapped as well. He's former black-ops, you know."

"Jack, isn't he one of your Air Force friends?"

"Yeah, Jen. He's in D.C. now, I'm sure your paths have crossed."

"Maybe, but do you know any more?" Jenny asked urgently.

"No, I don't. I already tried all my channels for Sam's sake, she's terrified for Jack. About as terrified as you are for Gibbs."

"I'm not – "

"Jen, this is me you're talking to. Don't waste your breath."

Jenny sighed. "Fine, I am, and I have no right to be. Jethro is one of my agents, nothing more."

"You're in love with him, and you have been almost from day one, and you know it."

"I shouldn't be, not anymore. I mean, I left him for my career, but I'm the one who hasn't moved on? It sounds like the punch line of a really bad joke."

"No, it doesn't."

"It doesn't matter anyway. It's over and it's my fault. I have to deal with that."

"He'll be back. And when he is, tell him."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because he's moved on. I won't screw up his life. Again." And she hung up, not wanting to continue the conversation.

Two months later, Jethro came back, and this time his return went much more smoothly. Granted, that was because his return was expected this time. The only one who was worse off now was Jenny.

Oh, she was thrilled that he was back safe and sound, but the time he'd been gone had ripped away all of her emotional defenses where he was concerned. She'd known she was still in love with him, but had repressed that knowledge. But the fear that had come with his top-secret assignment had forced it back into the forefront of her mind, and she couldn't block it out again.

She was back in her study, as she'd been the night she spoke to Alex, but she didn't have bourbon in her hand. She'd tried watching TV in the living room as a distraction, but that had failed with a preview for the new season of some historical drama. She couldn't get one line out of her head: "I so much want a new beginning, a renaissance."

She wanted a new beginning too. She just didn't have the courage to try for it. So instead she hid a way in her study, looking for comfort. But tonight she tried to find solace in a book, a collection of quotations that her mother had put together. It was a leather-bound journal, with poems and sayings written in a hand very like Jenny's own. She could remember her mother sharing some of them with her when she was a girl, and as an adult, it was what she used when liquid comfort, whether in the form of the bourbon habit she'd picked up from Jethro or the hot chocolate tradition she shared with her sister, just wasn't enough.

But there was no comfort to be had when she opened the book up to a random page. _"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth. Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks."_

Jenny dropped the book onto the desk, closing her eyes. Why couldn't she get away from this? That quote seemed to sum up what had happened to her and Jethro so perfectly. She had broken his heart when she left, and her own as well, and she'd hated herself ever since. She'd been so sure that if she didn't leave him, he'd leave her eventually – she didn't think she could survive being ex-wife number three – and that it would hurt less if she left. She'd been wrong, because she didn't think it _could_ hurt any more than it did.

So what did she have to lose? The sudden, reckless voice in the back of her mind sounded a lot like her sister, but her more sensible side – the one that always sounded like her in full Director mode – couldn't come up with an argument. She knew Jethro; if she told him how she felt and he didn't feel the same, he'd never bring it up again, and he wouldn't let it change their work relationship. She knew she could shut down her emotions at work – she'd been doing it for three years – so in the end, what was the worst that could happen? If he turned her down, could her heart possibly shatter even more?

Before her rational side could stop her, she grabbed her car keys and drove to Jethro's house. She could see a light on in the basement and had to smile slightly. At least some things never changed. Now that she was here, it seemed almost impossible to go through with it, but she opened up the unlocked door and walked through the darkened house, aiming for the basement door.

Jethro smelled her perfume even before he heard her heels clicking on the stairs, and he looked up, frowning. What was Jenny doing here? But he didn't ask; if she had something to say, she'd get to it without him prompting her.

But she didn't. She sat on a step and watched him – he could feel her eyes on him – but she didn't say anything. Finally he looked over at her, and frowned. He hadn't seen her look that way in a long time. Her hair was tumbling loose and a little wild around her face, and she was wearing jeans and a dark blue sweater. She looked more like the woman he'd known in Europe than the NCIS Director. That was painful enough, but the look in her eyes scared him, because he'd _never_ seen that before. She looked like someone who was absolutely determined to do something, and absolutely terrified of whatever it was at the same time. "Jenny?"

She met his eyes briefly before lowering her head and studying her hands. "Jethro, I… I just… You know, it wasn't just the team who was worried."

He tilted his head. "You seemed fine about it all."

"I'm pretty good at acting these days."

"What are you doing here, Jenny?" he asked. He was so sick of playing these games with her. References to their past, both subtle and obvious, glances, all the ways they could still communicate silently. Even though usually he didn't like to talk things out, he'd come to a conclusion while he'd been off on his mission. Maybe it was hearing the other guys' stories, especially that flyboy's story of spending eight years unable to be with the woman he loved thanks to the regs, but he was done with dancing around this. Around her, them, all of it.

She bit her lip, looking not at him but at the wall behind him. "It's funny, you know. I had this plan, a strategy to make it all the way in my career. I never thought I'd change it, but I almost did once. In Paris, I actually worked it all out. I had a new plan, and it would still get me to the top, but I wouldn't have to lose you."

"What happened?" He could have said more, accused, taunted, but they were getting somewhere and he wasn't about to derail that.

"I panicked. You asked me to move in, and I just kept thinking, 'Oh God, what if I wind up ex-wife number three?' So, I thought it'd be easier if I was the one who left, that it would hurt less. But as it turns out, I'm the one who can't move on. It's ironic, really."

He just stared at her. Did she really think he'd moved on? She seemed to take his silence for something other than shock, though, because she smiled, a wry, bitter smile. "You don't have to say anything. I just couldn't go without saying it any longer. I'll go now." She stood and was almost up the stairs when his shock finally wore off and he was on his feet in seconds, grabbing her wrist.

"There's no chance I'm letting you walk out of here after telling me something I've waited nine years to hear, Jen," he said flatly. He still didn't like how she was looking at him; hopeful, but still scared, as though she was sure this couldn't be real. He could relate, but he didn't like fear in her eyes when she looked at him. He kissed her then because he couldn't stop himself, but also to chase away that fear.

That first kiss was gentle, and they pulled apart just long enough to meet each other's eyes and take a breath before a second, harder kiss. He tugged her back down the steps and down to the floor, his lips leaving hers and trailing down her neck as her fingertips ghosted along his body.

They did make it to his bedroom eventually, and in the end they did wind up actually sleeping there. Jenny rested her head on Jethro's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat as she herself drifted off. They still had things to work out; how to handle their fresh start with their jobs, how and when they'd tell the team (and she was going to make sure that they didn't tell Abby at the Navy Yard; the Goth would certainly be happy for them, but her way of showing happiness was a bit… loud for work in this situation). But that was for later, and she wasn't worried about it. They'd figure it out, because this time she knew they were both determined to make it work.

The last thought in her head before she fell asleep was that commercial. "I so much want a new beginning…" She didn't know or care whether the TV character had gotten his wish, but she certainly had. And she was going to make damn sure not to waste it.

A/N: I hope no one minds Jen's sister making a reappearance. I think Alex is a lot like Abby for me; someone once told me Abby was our on-screen Jibbs fangirl, and Alex is my on-screen meddler. Though there wasn't much meddling going on here.


	4. Friends with Benefits

_**Friends with Benefits**_

_**Author: Mrs. Scott323**_

"I stand with you here today, in front of the Iwo Jima Memorial, remembering, honoring and celebrating. Remembering the men and women who served with you, who gave their lives for this country and the corps. Honoring their memory, and honoring you all for your service. Tonight, we shall lift the glass, celebrating the 55th birthday of this memorial. Hoping that it shall remain here, for years to come to help us, our children, and our children's children, to remember all the men and women of the United States Marine Corps who died in defense of their country. And to show the world that those Marines, and all the other Marines will remain in our hearts forever."

He lifted his glass, and so did the many people in their evening dress uniforms, and the women in their beautiful evening gowns.

"Oorah!"

The cry pulsated over the field, she could feel the sound vibrating through her body. She felt another hand wrap around her own, she looked down. And followed the arm upwards. His face didn't betray his emotions, but his eyes told her how moved he was. And that his old Marine buddies weren't the only ones he was remembering tonight.

She squeezed his hand softly. Finally he turned his head and looked at her. She smiled slightly, and he returned it. Not needing the words to offer her support. They never needed language for that.

She'd watched him, as he'd given a salute to the memorial earlier that day, together with his old company. Or what was left of it after all these years. He'd looked so at home, but she also knew that being together with them brought him back to Desert Storm, or to be exact, what happened after it. Today wasn't just remembering the Marines for him, it was also about Shannon and Kelly, today even more than every other day.

When she'd returned to NCIS, after the under cover operation to capture Leon Vance, they'd slowly rebuilt their friendship. The one they started when she'd first begun as a Probie. Against contrary belief, they didn't immediately fall into bed together, they'd built a deep friendship before the events in Europe. A friendship she'd thought to be built on complete trust.

She'd been devastated when she found out that he'd kept secrets from her. The first time, she'd left him in France, after he told her he'd been seeing someone back home. She couldn't believe he'd made her the other woman. The second time, when he'd called her Shannon, right after his coma. When she'd found out about his first wife and child.

Jenny remembered his return after Mexico, and her visit to her basement.

She'd told him about something her mother had told her about love.

_When you love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, that's the sad truth._

_Maybe they'll break your heart, maybe you'll break their heart and never be_

_able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks"_

She'd replied those words to him. The knew they weren't ready for their hearts to be broken again, they had to rebuild their friendship first.

But that wasn't why they were here tonight. When they first found out about this night, they had agreed to go together. For her safety, and to keep her safe from grabby officers. Personally she believed he was still a bit jealous.

"Do you want something new to drink?" She nodded, and he left her there, waiting for him to return with their two glasses of bourbon.

"So you're gunny's new redhead?"

A man who from the looks of it, had a bit too much to drink, stopped in front of her.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry, the name is Tom Miller, I served with LJ back in the day."

"Jenny Shepard. It's nice to meet you."

"As in Director Shepard?" Tom sobered up a bit, he knew this woman could make his life very difficult, if he'd offended her in any way.

"That's right." She smiled at the man in front of her, and he knew he wasn't in any danger for now.

"Well then, Director Shepard, would you like to dance? I could tell you some very interesting details about LJ."

"Lead the way."

He escorted her to the dance floor which was filling up already with several dancing couples.

"Now don't think I forgot about my earlier question, Ms Shepard."

"Director."

"Fine then, _Director_ Shepard, are you LJ's new redhead?"

Before she could answer, a familiar head appeared next to Tom's, tapping him on his shoulder.

"May I cut in?"

"Gunny! We were just talking about you."

"Well then, I hope I arrived just in time."

"Don't worry Jethro, nothing you could be embarrassed about." Gibbs lead her away from Tom, but not far enough to disappear from sight.

"Do I want to know?"

"He was just asking if I was your new redhead."

"Hmpf, he would. He always interrupted my calls with Shannon, asking her to run away with him, Kelly had even begun to call him her boyfriend." He pretended to look annoyed, but she knew that it was all a game. Tom was a really good friend to him.

One that had stood by him after all the misery. The one that had driven him to Mexico, to find man that murdered his wife and child.

"So.." he could see the mischievous look on her face, she was planning something.

"Is he still looking?"

Gibbs spun them around, so that she could see for herself that Tom was still observing them from the side of the dancefloor.

"Want to mess with his head a bit?"

He grinned, "Always."

"Just follow my lead." And suddenly she let out a laugh, letting her hand rest on his chest, taking the opportunity to get a bit closer to him.

He wasn't sure what she was doing, but when he felt her hand leave his shoulder, travelling up to his neck to play with his hair, he finally understood. As a reply he let his right hand travel a bit further down her back, resting on a place that was just appropriate for public.

They spun around again.

"Is he still watching?"

Jenny lifted her head from his shoulder slightly, just enough to see the amused look on Tom's face. "Yes."

"Alright", he lifted her head with his hand, to bring it closer to his own. Bringing her lips to meet his in a soft, but quick kiss, just a little more than a peck on the lips.

"That should do it."

"You do know you have created several problems just now? SecNav is here, and several other people who would frown upon a Director kissing one of her Special Agents."

"Look around you Jen, everyone is too caught up with themselves to notice. I think Tom was the only one that saw it."

She took a quick look around, seeing that no one else seemed to be watching them.

"Fine, now I'm going to mess with his head a bit more. Wish me luck."

"You don't need it."

She laughed over her shoulder, "True."

Jenny walked after Tom, who had disappeared right after her and Jethro's little display on the dance floor. Finally, she'd caught up with him.

"Tom! I think I still owe you an answer."

"That's okay, I think I…" Jenny interrupted him, "No, I'm not Jethro's new redhead, so why don't we skip this place and find some where else to have coffee, or dinner. I'd love to talk to you some more."

"But, but." Jenny tilted her head a bit to the side, giving him a concerned look.

"What's the matter?"

Tom still had some difficulty trying to find the words, this really gorgeous woman was asking him out to dinner, when she'd just kissed his old friend right in front of him.

"I.. I"

Jenny approached him, letting he hand travel over his uniform, leaning a bit closer to whisper into his ear.

"You aren't turning me down, are you?"

"Well.."

"Miller!" The familiar bark of his name snapped him back into the old attention pose.

"And Jen are you done having fun with him."

"Aw, come on Jethro he was just beginning to sweat."

"That's enough for tonight Director, I saw that SecNav was looking for you."

"Fine." Jenny walked away, leaving a stunned Tom with an amused Jethro.

"She, she.." Finally something clicked, "You did this."

"Took you long enough." Gibbs smiled, "I'll see you later, I'm going to save my _friend_ from the Secretary of the Navy."

He walked away, leaving Tom behind, who watched him as he interrupted the conversation of the beautiful redhead with another man. His hand immediately finding the small of her back , and her touching his arm, unconsciously.

Friends. Hmpf. Friends with benefits was more like it.


End file.
